1. Your address book and phone book and refrigerator memos have mostly names that start with Dr. and end with M.D. (Oh, that creased folded piece of paper tucked in your wallet too)!
2.Getting lucky isn’t finding a parking space but remembering where you parked your car in the first place, (Like, I remember there was a lamp post somewhere, while scratching your head)
3. Your computer has more memory than you do. (Bad news is that you can’t have your own memory upgraded)
4. Your ear has more hair than your head (Aaaaw, lucky ear!)
5. You ask your wife if you need a haircut and she retorts ‘Honey, you don’t need a haircut, you need hair!’
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1. Grandma Moses, when osteoarthritis of her fingers made it impossible for her to cross stitch and embroider, she shifted to painting at age over seventy. She died at 99 years old.
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2. Former President George H.W. Bush learned to skydive at age 75 and celebrated his 80th with a tandem jump .
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3. Colonel Harland Sanders founded Kentucky Fried Chicken at age 62.American businessman, and founder of the Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant franchise, Harland David Sanders started the business in 1952 and sold it in 1964, although he remained their corporate spokesman until his death. Governor Ruby Laffoon made him a Kentucky Colonel in 1935 in recognition of his contributions to the state’s cuisine. And in 1939, his establishment was first listed in Duncan Hines’ “Adventures in Good Eating.”
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4. Former President Jimmy Carter became an advocate of Habitat for Humanity and poster boy for volunteerism and for this, he won the Nobel Peace Prize. He is author of over a dozen best selling books.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two…
~ Sir Norman Wisdom ~
Everybody wants to live forever, but nobody wants to grow old.
~ Jonathan Swift
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As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
~ Robert Quillen ~
I’m back… and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a cinema with the sign ‘The Mummy Returns’.
~ Margaret Thatcher (on campaigning for Conservative William Hague, May 2001) ~
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To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes ~
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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
~ Agatha Christie ~
1. You bite into a steak and there get stuck your teeth
2. You turn off the lights for reasons economic, not romantic
3. You sit on the chair for some rocking but cannot get it going
4. Your favorite bit of the newspaper is the obit (Another one bites the dust…)
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5. The little old lady you help cross the street is the love of your life – your wife (Aaaaw, I wanna grow old this way)
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A‘s for arthritis,
B‘s the bad back,
C’s the chest pain, perhaps cardiac?
D is for dentures,
E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure – I’d rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show…
J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus – there’s a bell in my ears!
U is for urinary… big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that’s “dizzy,” you know.
W is for worry – what’s going ’round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found;
Y is another year I’m left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have – in my mind.
I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed/And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
(From ‘The Armorer’)
1. It is the doctors who asks you to slow down and not the highway patrol.
2. You can’t sleep. But instead of counting sheep, you count the medicines in your pill organizer.
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3. 3:00 AM is when you wake up, not the time when you go to sleep.
(Photo Credit: activities-for-seniors…
4. You don’t know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.
5. When you realize that old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
In a kingdom far far away, at a time not too long ago, an old couple were seated by the fireplace as they listened to a program on the radio. It was a Sunday broadcast of their favorite evangelist. The wife was knitting a shawl while the husband was smoking his pipe.
As the program was about to end, the preacher invited his listeners to join him in the healing prayer. He instructed those who needed healing to raise their right arm as the left hand is pressed firmly against the body part that needed prayer intervention.
Upon hearing this, the husband put down his pipe, raised his right arm, bowed his head in prayer as he placed his left arm over his groin.
When the wife saw this, she rolled her eyes and exclaimed nonchalantly as she went on knitting, ‘Honey, the preacher said he’s going to heal the sick, not raise the dead!’