1. You are having trouble remembering simple words like… uh…(‘what’s that fruit that what’s her name ate in what’s this place?)
2. You are smiling all the time because you can’t hear a word they’re saying.
3. You are very good at telling stories over and over and over and over and that that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as your own
4.You always look for the bathroom first wherever you go.
5. You know you are getting older when you walk into a rest room, unbutton your vest, pull out your tie and wet your pants.
1. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
2.You know you’re getting old when you never confirm you are past 50. Instead you say you are 49 plus VAT.
(Photo Credit: communityactionderby)
3. You know you’re getting old if your idea of old age is anyone fifteen years older than you
You know you’re getting old when every body part starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.”
1.You know have learned everything. Now you only have remember it.
2. You are offered a seat in the bus
3. You are starting to become scared of flowers – especially those wreaths in easels or propped up by bamboo sticks. (Please omit flowers)
(Photo Credit: givegift.com.)
4. You no longer have bad hair days. You simply have no more hair. Period.
(Photo Credit: Dreamstime)
5. Rolling Stones no longer interest you. But Kidney and Gall Stones do.
ROLLING STONES IN DEAD FLOWERS
(Photo Credit: thisnext.com)
This Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress
This pair of black Christian Louboutin suede knee high boots
THE LOOK I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO ACHIEVE (IN MY DREAMS)
THE LOOK HUBBY WOULD HAVE WANTED ME TO ACHIEVE (IN HIS DREAMS)
In deference to my husband’s work as a lawyer, I try my best to conform to dressing up in a manner that is acceptable to him. Well, at least now. When I was younger (at least in the last five years) my style has been unorthodox, funky, unpredictably rock chic, shabby chic (or just plain shabby) uber chic, over the top and even despicable. Ask the nuns I rode in the elevator with in this hospital by the mall. Well it’s relative. I mean I survived it although I don’t know if the people around me did.
Now that I’m older, and his clients and partners, for lack of a better word, are more corporate, I strive to dress up more, ugh, corporate as well. And that means changing my entire closet altogether.
We are a sweet, sedate and subdued couple who rarely fight (yeah, yeah – boring) and argue only over very little, almost trivial things – mostly grammatical lapses (his and hers), my being stubborn for not punctuating long sentences with a colon, semi-colon, Oxford or serial comma, the appropriateness of a word, finding the exact word for a certain context, how to raise our only son Enzo (he is a spoiler, I am the antithesis), my asking for a moratorium (at least for a year) to cut the crap on his intellectual conceit about his having come from UP – both college and law school now that no one from UP topped the bar (he gave me this undecipherable look that if he had been a judge, he would have banged the gavel on my head instead, LOL) , why I travel a lot and travel light and why he cannot (he brings his blue books to check – a whole suitcase of them, that’s why), why the beef in the pochero is not tender enough and yes, why I wear what I wear. Especially my penchant for making long tops into short mini dresses.
Recently, he added a new rule to selecting my wardrobe – age appropriate.
He has asked me to stop wearing mini-skirts and short dresses because women over forty already have knobby knees.Obviously, he has probably seen Angelina Jolie and the hideous pose at the Oscars.
And so this new un–bendable rule became a problem when I got invited to the 80th birthday of a grand matriarch of an uber rich, prominent diplomatic clan where all her children and their spouses and grandchildren and their spouses scattered all over Asia, Europe and the US will be coming home for the grand event. As I am not much taken into big social soirees, for I look with askance the soignees who date their DI’s, the social climbing parvenu with their fake Birkins and the designer logo-monogram clad from head to toe arrivistes (I am, as of the moment – uncategorized, as I never go out of my merry way to be invited. I just get invited. Period. I don’t even know why I get invited. Often I just retreat in a corner, holding a wine glass with wine that I don’t even drink, people watching, playing fashion police in my mind).
Every woman understands that the most dreadful thing that that could happen in a party is to run into somebody with the same dress as yours. And if you do not have a reserve dress in the back of your car, then you’ll have to slug it out with ‘who wore it better’ survey. And pose all you might. And don’t forget that pout.
I plead guilty to having several dresses still with tags in the closet. So for this event, I had this oh so divine Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress which I haven’t worn yet simply because, it didn’t fit me but I bought it anyway. But, lo and behold, it did now. So I showed it to my husband and he seemed to approve. The sleeves are long, the fabric sheer but I said I could get by with a camisole. So I walked around the room wearing the dress until he noticed that the neckline was too low. He said ‘You can’t wear that dress with a neckline that low!’ I shot back ‘But you can’t expect me to clasp the neckline of a DVF dress with a safety pin!’ I assured him that if I would lose more weight, the fabric of the wrap dress would clutch my uhrm, curves even more and that should provide more cover on the bodice. He seemed mollified but reminded me about how busy he was he wouldn’t have the time to deal with my crankiness which happened each time I’d go on diet.
Then we got to the footwear.
Just as soon as we resolved the issue of the low neck line, came the issue of the footwear. Hubby almost fell off his seat when he saw me in front of the mirror with my knee high boots. He expressed disdain and asked ‘You’re wearing that dress with that?’
‘A-ha’ I nodded as I twirled in front of the full length mirror and pranced about the room in my DVF wrap dress and boots.
‘ Is that, ahhhm, age appropriate?’ he asked
‘I think it is. See, no knobby knees’ I grinned
‘But the celebrant is 80 years old’ he argued.
‘And this guest is only 43!’ I countered.
He scratched and shook his head, trying to find a more plausible argument. After a brief pause he said ‘I don’t think anyone in his right mind would be wearing boots in a room full of diplomats!’
‘Aah, Sweetie, au contraire, I said. ‘I think I’ll be in good company. All her sons are flying in from Texas. How cowboy can you get? And while we’re at it, may I borrow Enzo’s horse? How cool is that – getting into the ballroom on horse back?’
End of argument.
(See, I said I always win)
And peace reigned in the Angel household for a long long time until the next grammatical lapse that I spewed out and he needed to correct.
So that’s the ensemble to the party (minus the horse of course!) where I stuck like a sore thumb in a room full of ruby brooches, emerald cabochons, chandelier and drop earrings that competed for attention with the glint of Baccarat crystal chandeliers, South Sea pearls and God only knows how many carats of diamond bib chokers (there was just too much glare, I should have worn sunglasses that night, LOL) worn over cocktail dresses, Herve Leger bandage dresses, designer gowns that showed off curves sculpted by Spanx and rhinestone studded heels. (I’ve never seen so many Jimmy Choo’s).
It was a cool party . No dress code. You could wear anything you wanted. Even the ones your husband didn’t approve.
Being old school however, hubby wore New Zealand merino wool, Loro Piana. Not a bad choice, if you ask me.
1. On seeing a framed oil on canvas painting of me examining an 80 year old candle vendor, weather-beaten creased face, wrinkles and all
Patient: What a beautiful, beautiful lady.
Me: Well, thank you Sir.
Patient: I mean the old lady, not you. (LOL)
(Photo Credit: ‘PAG-AARUGA’ oil on canvas, from this blogger’s collection, Rolly Yakit, artist)
2. On asking the patient how she was.
I am fine. It’s you. Wow, you put on so much weight!
(And she said this after I already lost about 30 pounds from my all time heaviest at 154 pounds)
(Photo Credit: bigstockphoto.com)
3. On asking a patient to draw a clock (as a screening test for dementia)
What for? I have a Rolex
(And right she was. She had an authentic Rolex Oyster Perpetual Datejust)
4. On telling a patient she has diabetes based on her HbA1c result
I don’t think so. I think I’m still two tablespoons of sugar away from diabetes.
(Photo Credit organicsoul.com)
5. On introducing myself to the patient as Dr. Angel
The patient called on his caregiver and asked ‘Am I in heaven? Why is there an angel?’
Let’s have some trivia
1. How many years is Mariah Carey older than Nick Cannon?
2. How many years is Halle Berry older than Gabriel Aubry?
3. How many years is Linda Hogan older than Charley Hill?
4. How old is Joan Collins? And how old is Percy Gibson?
(Photo Credit: access hollywood)
5. How many years is Melanie Griffith older than Antonio Banderas?
(Photo Credit: Getty Images)
(Photo Credit: pinoyexchange.com)
5. What does Al Galang have that Hayden Kho doesn’t have? What can Al Galang do that Hayden couldn’t? How old is Vicki and how old is Al Galang? (Clue: He is much younger than Hayden, of course!)
((Photo Credit: mukamo.com)
6. How old is Vicki Belo, how old is what’s-his-name (Edward Mendez) and why is he in the picture so soon! Somebody’s being naughty and I can tell it’s not Cristalle. Speaking of Cristalle, how come men as young as she fall for the mother instead of her?
(Photo Credit: philstar.com)
I’m not being ageist here. Just showing that cougars are having hmmm. more fun?
(Bitter much? Not!)
1. Your address book and phone book and refrigerator memos have mostly names that start with Dr. and end with M.D. (Oh, that creased folded piece of paper tucked in your wallet too)!
2.Getting lucky isn’t finding a parking space but remembering where you parked your car in the first place, (Like, I remember there was a lamp post somewhere, while scratching your head)
3. Your computer has more memory than you do. (Bad news is that you can’t have your own memory upgraded)
4. Your ear has more hair than your head (Aaaaw, lucky ear!)
5. You ask your wife if you need a haircut and she retorts ‘Honey, you don’t need a haircut, you need hair!’
Quotes from her speech during the Energy Summit in Pasay City, 2008: (While presenting her platform if and when she had been president, and we’re thanking our lucky stars she is not and never will be )
Reblogged from: bloggerengineer.blogspot
Problem: Hunger. Solution: Chop up some of the hungry people and feed them to other hungry people, until no one is hungry anymore. Problem: World Peace. Solution: Remove all humans from the planet. Problem: Overpopulation Solution: You know what the solution is- sterilize the population! One last problem, this is a particular concern to me. This is the biggest problem of my life: STUPID PEOPLE.Solution: Kill them! Only I, get to decide who lives. (Photo Credit: inquirer.net) REBLOGGED FROM MAS K PAPS "I am so not understanding this." (during the joint house hearing regarding the declaration of Martial Law in Maguindanao) -- "Times have changed. It has already worn out its value." -- "The problem with the Americans is that they are overpaid, oversexed, and over here." (comment on the presence of American forces in the Philippines) -- "I eat death threats for breakfast." -- "China invented civilization in the East, but as well it invented corruption for all of human civilization." (during the Senate NBN inquiry) -- "I am irate. I am foaming at the mouth. I’m homicidal. I’m suicidal. I’m humiliated, debased, degraded. And not only that, I feel like throwing up to be living my middle years in a country of this nature. I am nauseated. I spit in the face of Chief Justice Artemio Panganiban and his cohorts in the Supreme Court." (on being dropped from consideration for the position of Chief Justice) -- "This was my position during the E-VAT debates in the Senate. Because of the stratospheric price of global oil, I believe that to implement the law at this time will be disastrous to the poor." "Many, if not all, of my presidential opponents are certifiable idiots." (when she ran for president in '92) -- " land of the living dead." (her definition of Congress) -- "A body composed of the “dregs of humanity. All we need for a new national hero is for someone to go amok and gun down these 12 people.” (referring to Senators) "I wish we had a uniform… so at least the female component of Congress will not strut around like peacocks. It gives me a headache." (on the outfits of her colleagues) -- "Di ko pa nasampal lahat ng gusto kong sampalin" (I haven't slapped everyone whom I want to slap) -- : "And when I die, I will rise from my grave and scare the wits out of them.” (of her fellow legislators) -- "I shall be honored to go to jail. Under a dictatorship, the detention cell is a place of honor." -- "the epidermis of a pachyderm" and "intestinal fortitude." (describing her anticorruption work as needing) -- "Sir, I represent the majesty of the Republic of the Philippines. You have the obligation to show respect and courtesy to me. Now shut up, or I'll bash your teeth in!" (Confronting a foreigner charged with pedophilia ) -- FUNGUS FACE!" (Of a certain congressman who delivered a privileged speech against her in the House of Representatives. Miriam's phrase delighted the nation, and he never lived it down.) -- "It was a close encounter of the third kind. After all, in the Congress, apparently there are three sexes!" (To the question: "How did you find your first appearance in Congress?"). -- "There's no intelligent life down here. Beam me up, Scotty." (While riding the elevator in Congress, using a common expression in the popular TV serial Star Trek.) -- "I defy all this pain! I stand on my head and maybe contemplate my navel." (Handwritten note to her family after a painful session at the operating room for injuries sustained in an accident in the '90s.) "On the operating table, I seriously considered a breast implant." . (On a TV talk show, 1991.) -- "BRAIN-DAMAGED!" (Of a presidential candidate who reportedly financed a media blitz against her, but feigned friendship with her in public. The press shortened the phrase to "Brenda," and he is known by that monicker until today.)(Photo Credit: spot.ph)And the latest:‘GAGO MAN!’ – scolding a private prosecutor on national TV during the impeachment trial‘Whaa’What can we say? Maybe this is what happens when you eat death threats for breakfast!DISCLAIMERAnd if confronted if she really said all these hideous things, she can always say ‘I lied. Ha ha ha ha’(The way she did she’d jump off a plane if a certain presidential candidate won the election. With the trademarkdiabolical laugh, of course!)//