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1. You start lying about your age.  (The secret to staying young is to eat slowly, live honestly and lie about your age – Lucille Ball)

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2. You stop putting candles on your cake (because if you do and start lighting all of them they’re going to look like a forest fire)

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3. You stop putting candles on your cake because you are scared they  might trigger the smoke alarm and sprinkler

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4. You stoop down to tie your shoe laces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there  ( Thanks to George Burns)

5. You have sex and it would seem like shooting a ball in billiards with a rope  rather than a cue stick. (Thanks again George Burns)

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